Canadian Politician Blames Tight Underpants For Missing Vote

OTTAWA, Ontario (AP) — A Canadian politician has blamed cheap, tight underwear for his sudden departure from Parliament causing him to miss a vote on anti-terror legislation.
Opposition lawmaker Pat Martin told Parliament Thursday he had bought a bunch of men's underwear for half price which were clearly too small for him, making it difficult to sit for any length of time.
He apologized for missing the vote amid laughter in the chamber and asked for his vote to be counted.
The speaker of the House of Commons allowed his vote.
On Twitter, Canadians quipped about Martin being "poorly briefed" and how he "briefed" Parliament on why he missed the vote.
Martin, who often uses humor in Parliament, once asked the government if they were prepared for a zombie invasion.

source:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/20/pat-martin-tight-underpants_n_6724750.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

Hitler Is Alive And Well

Everyone thought Hitler died over 60 years ago, but nope. He's been alive and well this whole time. His Jew killing doctors discovered a youth formula and he's hardly aged at all. He's just laying low for now, but when the time is right, he'll get back to his genocidal work.

Watch Out For That Hole

Apu just got his new motor bike and pimped it out to show off for all the ladies. Now he just needs to learn how to ride it. Manholes are an obstacle he has not yet overcome, but at least he's spreading joy to all the villagers.

Sand Dune Skier

Achmed has dreamed of skiing in the Olympics since he was a little tike in a turban. All his friends told him he was crazy and that he should be stoning bitches and blowing up infidels instead of wasting his time on the slopes. But he kept his mind focused on his goal and although he'll never win the gold, he still loves carving up the sand, and nobody will ever take that away from him.

This Video Shows What Would Happen If A HUGE Asteroid Hit The Earth.

When you think of dinosaurs, you think of extinction. When you think of humans on the other hand, extinction rarely comes to mind. But human extinction is a very real possibility. If an asteroid is coming at us full speed, and is large enough, it could collide with the Earth, potentially causing instant death. While it is very, very slim, the possibility does exist. What would the scenario look like? The Discovery Channel mocked up a version of what this apocalypse causing asteroid would look like and the scenario that would unfold. Really an amazing simulation, as well as an absolutely terrifying one!

source:
http://new.damn.com/video-shows-happen-huge-asteroid-hit-earth/

Watch What Happens When This Tiny Frog Gets Mad. His Reaction When Someone Tries To Touch Him Is Hilarious!

Spending most of it’s time in moist sandy regions feeding on moths and insect larva, the desert rain frog is probably the absolute cutest frog in the world! It is a tiny nocturnal amphibian native to Namibia and South Africa. And when this little guy gets mad, his cuteness shines even brighter!

source:
http://new.damn.com/watch-happens-tiny-frog-gets-mad-must-cutest-thing-ive-ever-seen/

She Microwaves Broken Crayons. When She Pours It Out, I’m Writing This Down

After watching how simple this craft is, I’m already planning out what colors I want to use. These adorable crayon candles will look great in any room of the house. This video was uploaded by the YouTube channel “SoCraftastic” and I couldn’t be happier. I always have a candle burning when I’m home; it definitely helps me to unwind after a long day. Now, I can burn the candles without the high cost of buying new ones all the time.

The awesome part about making crayon candles is that the craft can be done with the kids. Melting the crayons may get messy, but with a little supervision, this craft is perfect for kids to try out. I guess this video just goes to show that even adults don’t outgrow crayons.

Here we love when we get opportunities to be crafty. We hope you give this one a shot; I know plenty of us at the office can’t wait to start building our candles. Tell us what you think in the comments section below when you’re done watching.

source:
http://new.damn.com/microwaves-broken-crayons-pours-im-writing/

McLovin's New Tattoo

I see McLovin has once again used his fake ID, but this time to get tattooed in honor of his favorite band. I looked them up, and after learning they are a Christian rock band, I knew all I needed to know. They suck. But I already assumed that based on their number one fan.

Are You Brave Enough?

Dullfeathers sent us this arts and crafts project he put together, with a quote that he applies to his daily life. After spending thousands of dollars on dildos to shove up his ass, he realized that many household objects can fit in his ass, and by using them instead, he can save his money for male prostitutes.

How Did That Horse Get In There

How in the hell did that horse get into that tire? It's not dead...yet. You think someone threw a mint in there, and the horse went in after it and bam, you have a horse in a tire situation.

I Have Good News And Bad News

The good news is, it's Friday mother fuckers, to get our drink on! The bad news is, Frank fucking wrecked the truck that had all the beer in it, and now we have no beer at the store. Frank also failed the piss test and now doesn't have a job. But I have a pickup truck, and I say we back up to the back of the semi and "lighten" their load.

Funny Quotes

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car. - Bob Monkhouse.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. - Elayne Boosler.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. - Oscar Wilde

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. - Robert Bloch.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell “BINGO!” - Anonymous.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. - Dave Barry.

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Anonymous.